Now

(More blog entries from kellykelly)

Late in November, on a single night
Not even near to freezing, the ginkgo trees
That line the pathway let go all their leaves
In one consent, and neither to rain nor to wind
But as though to time alone; the golden and green
Leaves litter the lawn today, that yesterday
Had spread aloft their fluttering fans of light.

What signal from the stars? What senses took it in?
What in those wooden motives so decided
To strike their leaves, to down their leaves,
Rebellion or surrender? And if this
Can happen thus, what race shall be exempt?
What use to learn the lessons taught by time,
If a star at any time may tell us: Now.

-    Howard Nemerov


Now. 

I love this poem.  I discovered it when I was 13 and discarded it like an unwanted toy.  At 13, I thought I was in “in love” for the first time and all of the poetry I wanted to read was about Love. Love and letting go. Love and holding on. Love in saying you’re a part of me.  Love at thinking I don’t deserve you. Love love love. I had no time for Late November and Ginko Trees.

As much as I may feel awkward about aging another 12 months older, feel out of place at what this number about the days since my birth are suppose to mean, with some strange chronology about my life, justifying certain adult actions while simultaneously confusing me about when is it too old to wear a short skirt… I am grateful for that organic period of life when things shift and suddenly its not all about love or sex or having enough stuff. Like after years of being liking chocolate to one day realizing just how good strawberry can be sometimes.  Suddenly those other perspectives are just there, waiting in the wings like a best friend with flowers, to give a welcome to a new chapter.

Now.

Actually I can remember exactly when this poem came in handy.  Fall 2003.  Definitely a time of Now, of living moment to moment. Somewhere in some forgotten shelf in my brain, the word poked out at me and I ran to the bookshelf to find the poem I had read over a decade earlier.

So in the struggle to find the words for “why” after months of silence from Crown Point, it hit me last night.  There’s no other real reason than Now. Its time. Game on.

Truth is we were never ‘not’ here.  We didn’t cease or almost fold.  In fact, the last several months have been so productive I’m baffled.  So yeah I can go into a whole “Why.”  But you know what?  No one turns to a music artist after they make an album, promote it, tour it and then take some time off before the next one and say, whoa- where were you?! – unless of course its been like FOREVER. Okay, point taken.

It really just comes down to – Now.  Now its time to come back together, to hear some good tunes and be with good people and laugh at great writing. Frankly I still like it when people tell me about their friend, or husband, or brother’s band and want can they get involved.  I like it even more when someone I just met tells me they came to the 2007 and saved their program.  I’m blushing a little. 

These things we do – they are bigger than us.  And all these little moments at up.  Why not yesterday?  And why today?  I don’t know how or why the magic works.  But sometimes your gut says, Now.  And the road opens up in front of you as if you knew which way you were going all along.  Less thinking, more doing.

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