A message from Tough Cookie

(More blog entries from kellykelly)

First I’m gonna tell you straight up: This is all gonna end.  Meaning, these newsletters, blogging in this way, and some of the things you’ve come to know and thought you loved about Crown Point. (Three years ago is was “blog” crazy, right?  Now… pfft.)  Evolution has come.  So its not only time for a re-work of our website but a re-work of, well, everything.  You deserve better; we’ll get to that.

After the December Sampler, I knew some things for certain:

1)    Crown Point had to be produced again.  No more delays, regardless of the hold ups from the money the City.
2)    I had to do it.
3)    It could not be like 2007. Or 2004. 
4)    I had no clue what to do or how to do it again.

Number 4 may come as a surprise.  You’d think by now, I’d have this down and could turn on a faucet of curation to production at least as half as decent as the Whitney Biennial.  Clearly I cannot.  I often get to prove the naysayers wrong with their “You can’t put that big festival together…” but what instead they should say is, “You can do it; you’re just going to feel like it’ll rip your guts out and you’ll be so emotionally exhausted afterwards you’ll zen out on corporate marketing events.”

I seriously believed – and to a certain extent still believe – that I no longer speak for the next generation of emerging artists.  I’m in quite a different place now than when I helped found Fall Collection in 2004 – when I was out there just like the rest -  acting, tech-ing films, seeing bands.  I turned to Jesse to carry the torch – and he did a noble job.  But he said to me in December, this City has changed and its hard not to be cynical when a theater rat has to live an hour out just to afford a place to rent. 

What hit me at the December Sampler were 2 things:  1)  I saw a tremendous amount of talent and 2)  it wasn’t getting through like it deserved.

That is NOT a statement on the artists.  Matthew Hancock’s play My Aim is True is REALLY good and his cast was soo talented.  We had some tight films and The Yes Way closing out was killer.  No, the problem was – is Crown Point – and really – the problem is me.  Nights later I got to see two other bands – Figo at Webster Hall (who we’ve programmed DJ sets of at CPF) and The Roadside Graves at Trash Bar – who I had never seen.  Both put on not just solid shows but the places became alive.  I rocked out, talked to boys, at one point I stood on a guy wrapped up in a carpet because that was part of his performance art/fetish and damn if I don’t support a weird fetish.  I saw sweat and beer and it was not just from bands – it was from the crowds inside.  I smiled at a guy I just met as we sang along to Figo; I stomped an old two-step in a drum circle around the Graves clapping so hard I burst a blood vessel.

That’s what Crown Point is suppose to be.  And I had forgotten that in 2007.  I got all “professional” on you.  And I came to see there was no one to blame for that than me, for selling out my heart and the Purpose of why I do this because somehow I thought I wasn’t representative enough.  I realized in the course of 5 days it was more important to me to put some amazingly talented people together where they could be rejoiced in a place where you felt encouraged to wiggle your ass, shout and be playful. For me to do that, I realized I needed to take some bigger risks, that meant wearing my heart and imagination on my sleeve.  The same old thing had been done; the bar needed to be raised and I was the only one who could take responsibility for that.

“The trick is
You do not get on that interstate bus
The catch is
You stay and see what becomes of us”

 - Thao with the Get Down Stay Down “Bag of Hammers”

So here is the Crown Point “You are Here Now”:  I am in the process of re-assembling the team.  Call them the Core Production Team, call them the family, call them the true believers, call them George for all I care.  But they are the ones I am trusting in.  We are starting rehearsals in late February, but the scenic design meeting is Friday  with renderings soon to follow.  I'll share them with all of you when they're done.  And tonight I brokered a deal with Kids With Candy who will document the creative development process and rehearsals.  And they just came up with a brilliant person for the house band...

Its gonna get personal.  I'm gonna let you guys in more than I ever have.  It always has been personal but my elusive self was always in denial and now I’m saying it and meaning it (“I love you for real this time…”).  My head, my heart, my money and my time are going down this road for another ride. When I brought together Chris (someone old) and Sean (and someone new – who just randomly came to Crown Point in 2007 and somehow got a taste of what I was trying to do) for a Saturday afternoon pow-wow, we all agreed that Crown Point had to be an entertaining night out. Not to forget culture and art – but if the audience detached like a viewer at a museum, we had failed.  Soon the mash up of burlesque, cabaret, Wooster Group, vaudeville, street battles, pop up stores, speakeasies and showstoppers started evolving.  We have no interest in going old-timey; the City’s already got that covered in droves.  We’re interested in a severe mirror, in tunnels to another world and alter-egos – whatever all that means so far.

We still want the same bold talent – but now we’re raising the ante as we’re bringing together a cast of performers, musicians and technicians who will not ask permission to go all the way.  So any play, film and music featured in this space will challenge the idea of what a ‘night out’ means and how you will be entertained.  This is no longer a “festival” because we should never have gone down that road to begin with in the scheme of what the world calls “Festivals.”  So let us be what we are  - Crown Point – an idea  - bigger than who we are.

At least, that’s what I hope.  I always have a little bravado, right?  A little ‘come out swinging’ salesmanship to wet the palette.  I’m aiming big – otherwise I just don’t see the point in the most saturated City in the world.

“it's all a choice actually - to do this - to do anything - i - we could stop at anytime
but it would haunt me

the wondering what if - knowing the potential pay off emotionally would be so amazing - feeling like it might actually change my life”

 - Me, email to Devin Burnam.

I wrote that in July 2004.  What I know now that I didn’t know then was that it did change my life -  drastically. Fall Collection and Crown Point are like  - this is too ironic to me as I write this -  its like going through a worm-hole in space and overnight everything you thought mattered can be turned on its head and you go places you never thought you would.  The people I befriended, the things I did, trips to Mississippi, New Orleans, Iceland and Costa Rica, one of the best roommates a girl could have and encouraging her to fall in love with a hot DJ who boldly wears a cape.  Because of Crown Point 2007, my career literally changed overnight. My days are filled with creative and design solutions and I work with cool people. No more executive assistant, no more day job.

I wanted to say to Sean the other night, "do you know what you’re getting into?  You’re about to jump down the rabbit hole."  Doing this, I’ve driven myself to exhaustion, risked my heart to the point of breaking and had my life turned upside down at times.  And I feel a sense of responsibility for that - for everyone who has ever and will be a part of this – behind the scenes, on stage and in a seat.  This isn’t just about getting your $20 worth to me.

So just in case, I found a little reminder.  It’ll be my touch stone as I go through the rabbit hole one more time:

“I got a heart that won't quit, won't break"

 - “West Coast,”  The Roadside Graves

Comments

Re: A message from Tough Cookie
by bea on Jan 29th 2010, 2:55 pm

KellyKelly this is so amazing to see. I wish I could have been more of a part of the evolution to this point and am excited for the CPF of the future! Can't wait to catch up and see what's down the next time I'm in NYC!

Re: A message from Tough Cookie
by brandi on Jan 29th 2010, 11:29 am

I'm moved out of my damn chair right now. Bravo for the courage to pour your thoughts out, and for the energy and enthusiasm you possess in order to breathe new life into Crown Point Kelly! I am proud to be apart of this organization and its heart felt mission...now more than ever we are all in need of some real fun and excitement. There's a whole lot to be sad or fearful of, but in actuality there is MUCH more too be enjoyed and exposed to! If you live in NYC you are here to be shocked, amazed, entertained and moved. I've got a good feeling that this year's festival will give way to all of those emotions - and its so very EXCITING! See you all there....